Tanja Rouintree: We can also use Scripture to help rewire our brains: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and “I am confident that He who began a good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Passages like these ground us in God’s Word and work. I realized I didn’t have to clean myself up to come before God—the only way to be made clean was to come in my mess and dysregulation. He’s the only one who can reach the child inside who longs to be seen. That’s our way out of the wilderness: following Jesus and being transformed through it.
Jessica Vangsnes: Many women I work with read Scripture faithfully, but their hearts feel disconnected from the truth—often because of attachment wounds or performative church experiences. It can help to personalize Scripture in prayerful language that feels authentic while staying true to the text. For example, changing “you” to “me” for meditation—never changing meaning, just making it personal—can be powerful.
Tanja Rouintree: I’ve noticed that too, especially among women influenced by legalistic systems where Scripture memory was performative. Using translations closer to their heart language and small tweaks for personal prayer can be life-changing. For example, I’ll pray Philippians 1 with “me” or insert family names into Ephesians 3. I’ve given families printed prayers with their names and encouraged them—and relatives—to pray them daily.
Jessica Vangsnes: Remember also our negativity bias. An “evidence journal” helps—collect evidences of God’s goodness and answered prayers, along with evidences of your worth and growth. We live in a hurried culture, and everyone says they don’t have time, but it’s about choices and priorities. We can’t pour from an empty vessel. Set your mind on what is lovely and pure—practice it.
Tanja Rouintree: We homeschool our five grandchildren, and when they make mistakes, I have them correct them to practice doing the right thing. The same applies to relationships: you’ve practiced unhealthy responses for years, so new skills won’t be second nature overnight. Real progress is intentional and slow. Like athletes and musicians, relational skill comes from practice.
Jessica Vangsnes: I think of the quote you shared: it took 40 days to get Israel out of Egypt, but 40 years to get Egypt out of Israel. What if we looked forward to God’s promises rather than back to the past?
Tanja Rouintree: Exactly. The Israelites focused on the past and their current circumstances, not God’s promises. Those promises give us hope in the wilderness. For those still in it, where is their hope?
Jessica Vangsnes: Many people say, “My life looks stable, but I feel depressed.” It can be hard to feel God’s presence. Familiar feelings—abandonment, loneliness—can feel safer because the brain prefers the known. That’s why new hope feels risky. Scripture helps us set our minds on what’s ahead, but it’s not just “think different.” Our bodies and emotions respond from early right-brain wiring. So we need both belief and embodied practice: start doing things that support what you hope for—writing prayers, scheduling soul care, taking small steps. Look for how God is already at work; assume He’s doing something good because He is good. That expectation begins to rewire the bias.
Tanja Rouintree: I love Isaiah 43:19: “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” God meets us there and transforms the wilderness.
Jessica Vangsnes: One practice I call “beauty hunting” helps. Set aside time to look for what God is doing—be curious and open to awe and wonder. People with trauma often dislike surprises and carry hypervigilance. Intentionally schedule space to notice beauty: nature, walks, art, music—without an agenda. Ask, “God, what do you want to show me?” Collect those moments in your evidence journal.
Tanja Rouintree: As we close, let’s circle back to your question when you start with clients: “Where are you now?” How can couples or families listen for where they are—how they may be grumbling or suffering in the wilderness? What are some signs to look for?
Jessica Vangsnes: With couples, notice pain points and recurring conflicts, and how differing values collide—not just moral values, but priorities like time freedom versus regular date nights. Without a framework, emotions and triggers float around and feel threatening. Create a container—on paper—to map patterns and values, see where needs can both be met, and where compromise honors love. Seeing it objectively calms the fear of being left alone or depleted.
Tanja Rouintree: I hear variations of that fear often. Could you share how people can contact you?
Jessica Vangsnes: You can find me and my friend Tamara Brown at transformingus.org. We’re on social channels at @transformingus. Under Resources we have free assessments to help you explore your patterns.
Tanja Rouintree: Before we go, would you pray for our listeners in whatever wilderness they’re facing?
Jessica Vangsnes: Jesus, thank You for Your constant goodness. Many of us have experienced wilderness seasons and past trauma filled with fear and anger. Yet You give us a future. Help listeners sit in the present and release “what ifs,” hypervigilance, and the urge to control. Let them receive Your peace and know You can make a way in the wilderness. You have promises and a good destination for them. Make us curious and open to Your leading. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Tanja Rouintree: Amen. Thank you for joining us, Jess. I think we got this done in the time allotted. I really appreciate your willingness to come on. I’ll have it edited well before the release date so you can use it as you’d like.
Jessica Vangsnes: Sounds good.
Tanja Rouintree: For show notes, I believe your speaker kit details are already collected in the form. If you have a free resource that fits this episode, email me the link and I’ll include it.
Jessica Vangsnes: We have an Attachment Assessment and Guide, an Enneagram Assessment and Guide, and “Seven Skills to Shift.” I think the “Seven Skills” would fit well. It includes a brief assessment of emotional processing, somatic processing, thought observation, soul care, play, and what we call “soft resilience”—not toughening up, but becoming open and flexible.
Tanja Rouintree: I love that. Thank you again.
